How I am coping

My daughter has gone away to college....I miss her...How do I fill that hole in my heart without her?

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I have filled it by watching every episode of Greys Anatomy in the last month. And somewhere along Season 4 or 5, I fell madly in love with McDreamy. I've always heard females talk about him, but I didn't get it...even when I first started watching (a few days before Sophie left, she and I watched portions of Season One together -- her choice not mine), he just seemed like a nice doctor. No big deal. But Sophie mentioned at one point that Dr. Shepherd reminded her of Daddy (Rod). Yes, I could see a mild resemblance. But then I kept watching and watching...It took a while, but eventually around Season Four (maybe even Season Five), I fell in love.

I think I normally have a wall up to prevent me from falling in love with someone other than my husband...I don't allow myself to be attracted to other men. But I let that wall down since McDreamy reminded me of Rod, and then I lost it completely. I am embarrassed and ashamed, but I cannot stop thinking about him. Thank God I have Rod in my life. Thank God!!! I am lucky. He does remind me of McDreamy more than anyone else in the world!

Sophie

May 1974

May 5 ,1974:

Happy Birthday, my precious darling baby 9-month old brother. I Love you, Dino. Today is Sunday. It was hard to get up since Michelle and I talked a lot last night. We were late for Sunday School. Sat with Charles during church. He and Tip kept talking about all the girls in Charles's life. It really sort of made me mad. After church (against my will) Michelle started to bawl him out. He ran off and went walking with Connie. Came home. Michelle stayed here all afternoon. Went to choir late. Went to New Members training for the last time. Didn't sing in choir tonight. After church we went to the YMCA. Charles went swimming. I played basketball and messed around (a little) with Stanley and Ricky. Gave Charles a ride home. I sat on his lap. He told me "You're the only one that matters." Mom wouldn't let me talk when he called.

May 6, 1974:

Monday. Today is really May 6. Wore Darlene's pink vest to school. Today is Charles and mine's 2 month anniversary. That's what I wore on March 8. John came over and talked to me the whole time during Spanish. In science we had a party cause Liz Vega is Mexican and yesterday was Mexican Independence Day. Ate lunch with Michelle, Donna Shore and Kathy Keszler. Everyone keeps telling me I should be mad at Charles since he asked another girl to the prom. But I'm not really that mad. Maybe I should be. I really do like him a lot. Now my life has meaning. We talked for an 1 1/2 hours. 45 minutes at 7:30. 45 minutes at 9:15. He's so sweet and good and kind. I like him a lot. John came over on his cycle today. He stayed for an hour. Mom really likes him.

May 7, 1974: Tuesday. Dino was very sick last night and this morning. So I stayed home form school to help mom take him to the Doctor. He has strep throat. Went to Gibson's . Then came home. Watched my soap operas. Ate lunch. I got a comic book and TV guide in Spanish. Went back to school. At lunch talked to John Taylor, Kathy Earl, Jeff Mann, Matt Baldrich and several others. Went to the cafeteria during Speech cause Miss Westerhiede is busy with the play. Came home. Practiced a lot. Dad brought pizzas home for supper. Watched Happy Days. Charles called at 9:00. We talked for 20 minutes. He kept talking to his sister. I got mad and sort of hung up. He called back at 9:58- 10:00. He said he had something to ask me but chickened out.

APRIL 5, 1974:

APRIL 5, 1974: Happy 8 months, Dino. Today was the worst day in a long time. Made a 96 on that test in History. I don't have Darrel Stevenson in my 2nd hour but John Taylor does. Darrel is a dope addict. Today he overdosed. He got expelled from school. John had to help him to the office. Judy's mom almost died yesterday. She has malignant cancer. Judy is staying with her uncle. She can't stand it. Her mom is a counselor at our school. I cried and cried all afternoon cause of Darrel and Mrs. Willoughby. Gave impromptu speeches on "Mom would kill me if she ever found out...." Charles called at 5:10 - 5:20. We fought. He said he might call back at 9:30 but he didn't. Michelle and I went to First Baptist of Midwest City to hear James Wright sing.

March 1974

March 3, 1974: Got up. Went to church. Charles walked me to the sanctuary and then sort of faded away. Michelle E. came to our church today. I sat with her. Worked all afternoon. Me and mom had a lot of fights. Went back to church. I was really mad. I went to choir. Charles was late. Ate our little snacks. Went and watched the guys play basketball. Went to Training Union. Just talked and prayed and stuff. Michelle Ethridge came to church. There was a far out movie “A Thief in the Night”. The church was crammed full. After church, Charles was asking Frankie for my address and telephone number. He said he was going to call me. Today was the first day I said “I love you Charles”. In the margin: Charles is going to be a preacher.

March 4, 1974: Monday. Wore a dress to school. Went to the board in Algebra. In History I worked on my crossword puzzle. We stayed in Spanish all hour instead of going into our special class. I took a test in there. Took notes off the board in Science. Michelle Ethridge ate lunch with us. So did Frances Barnes. I wish Pat Hurley wasn’t moving. He is so good-looking, popular and I know him good. In English, we didn’t do anything cause all of them but eight of us went to Vo-Tech. So we just talked. We have to write an essay in speech on the 4-way rotary test. Yuk. Played basketball all afternoon. Dad and Mom went to Edmond to work on car.

March 5, 1974. Today is Tuesday. And Dino is 7 months. He now sits up. But he still doesn’t hold his bottle. He eats food off the table and he is the most darling baby I know. Wore my green outfit to school. 4 other people wore the same outfit. I couldn’t believe it. Took a test in history. I made a 98. In Spanish we started working with the family trees. Michelle started to eat lunch with us but saw her other friends. Miss Westerhide decided we don’t have to write those dumb speeches. After school I went to one of Darlene’s volleyball games. Boring. Watched “Happy Days” and “Snoop Sister” starring Alice Cooper (He is a boy.)

March 6, 1974. Hello. I was supposed to have two tests today but they were canceled. Yea!. Mr. Santa Cruz lectured our special class today on how smart we are and how successful we will be in life. At lunch Jeff was saving me, Judy, Kim and Michelle seats. He wouldn’t get up so me and Michelle ate by ourselves till he left. Studying Adjectives in English. Worked on our debates in Speech. Went shopping this evening and bought me a long purple dress for tomorrow night. Got to church late. Sat with Mom and Dad during church. Frankie & Cindy broke up tonight. Charles called me at 10:30. We talked for 20 minutes. I was so happy. We talked about everything. I do like him.

February 5, 1974 Diary Entry:

Tuesday. February 5, 1974. I am still not feeling well. So I stayed home from school again. Mom always fixes me sherbert (orange) and seven-up and pepsi. Mom and DIno left about 11:00. She got Dad and they went downtown and picked up twin beds for me and Darlene. I'm so glad we got them. I took a long nap. I sure sleep a lot when I'm sick. Mom went to school this evening. Frankie and Darlene didn't take very good care of the baby. Watched a movie called "Can Ellen Be Saved?" It was about a Jesus commune. It reminded me of Bob and Sue Long's church. Smile, Smile.

Inaugurations: Past and Present

Today, Barack Obama was sworn in as President. I watched it from the Business Lounge at my office. Kristy sat next to me. Lots of fellow tenants were there also. I almost cried -- especially as I heard the music. But I would have been embarrassed to cry in front of all those acquaintances, so I kept it under control. I had sunglasses with me just in case. I teared up a couple of time, but not enough for anyone to notice.

I have great hope for Barack Obama. Bush did not seem to have it under control. Things have been spiraling downwards.

As I listened to Barack's speech, I was on Facebook. I decided that I would write down the next line of his speech. When I decided this, he was on terrorism, which I didn't really want to write about. But then, his next complete sentence was something about being strengthened by every language and culture in the US. I thought that was beautiful, and luckily that was the quote I was able to use on my facebook page.

I saw Gran Torino last night, and Slumdog Millionaire earlier this week, which also looked at other cultures.

What do I remember about past inaugurations? In 1977, Michelle, Kimi, Cathy, and I skipped class to watch the inauguration. We started at Michelle's and ended at Kimi's.

In 1981, I was on campus in Joplin. I heard the bells ring.. I thought it was for the new president. Later I learned it was because the hostages had been released.

In 1993, I was so happy to get rid of Bush/Reagan. I remember watching one of the Clinton inaugurals in my office on a little black and white TV. Everyone crowded around to watch it.

In 2001, I remember being so frustrated that Bill Clinton would actually turn over the White House to George Bush. How could he have betrayed Gore like that? Bush stole the election and didn't deserve to be inaugurated. I was so suprised that Clinton would just accept this. Marcy was with me that day.

And then, there's today. I was a Hillary supporter, but I did vote for Obama, somewhat reluctantly. Nonetheless, I've grown to like him more over the last few weeks. I am a little concerned that the media is toooo much in love with him.

I checked my old diaries for inaugural events, but couldn't find any.

What else is going on in my life today? Sophie is starting her final semester of high school today. Some issues over whether she has passed math, and whether she can be an office aide for her theater teacher. I've been helping Rod scan his 6th grade program into the computer. He seems a tad bit overly interested in his former classmates these days. Hhhhmmmm.